Explosion Imminent
by Origamidragons
Summary: A collection of drabbles and fluff I decided to write for no reason at all. Now: KITTENS! Rated T for Tony. Probably lots of different pairings. All Marvel-verse characters included.
1. The Blanket King

**My brain works weird & I like the Avengers. That seemed like enough reason to try and kill my writers block by writing Avengers drabbles.** **Suggestions/requests are super awesome.**

Tony couldn't sleep, even more than usual. Pepper had forced him to his room (some nonsense about seventy-two straight hours being too much work) and ordered him to sleep. Of course, this only made the already elusive concept extra-impossible. He pulled out his phone.

 _Tony: AVENGERS ASSEMBLE!_

 _Bruce: What?_

 _Clint: If this is a joke, Tony..._

 _Natasha: No, Clint it's my turn to beat him up._

 _Steve: Everyone stop! Tony where should we assemble._

 _THOR: YES, WHAT IS THE PLACE OF MEETING?_

 _Tony: My room I'm building a pillow fort. :)_

 _Clint: ..._

 _Natasha: ..._

 _Clint: Rock paper scissors when we get there?_

 _Natasha: You're on._

 _Tony: For what? o.o_

 _Clint: Who gets to kill you._

 _Tony: YOU WILL NEVER OVERTHROW THE BLANKET KING!_

The Avengers all arrived at Tony's room around the same time (sans Bruce who had locked himself in a Hulk-proof room) and stared at a Taj Mahal of pillow forts.

Clint and Natasha were playing rock-paper-scissors. They tied three times before Natasha won. She had a murderous gleam in her eyes.

Tony stuck his head out of the blanket pile as they approached. "TRAITORS YOU COME TO OVERTHROW THE BLANKET KING!"

The Avengers shared a confused look. It was three in the morning and it was Tony who had called them there. Natasha started conspicuously cleaning a long knife. Tony seemed to squeak when he saw it, and withdrew back into the fort.

"How do we get him out of there without hurting him?" Steve groaned.

"Does not hurting him HAVE to be a priority?" Clint ground out. "Because I have several excellent ideas-"

"-as do I-" Natasha cut in.

"-but they all end with Tony as an unrecognizable carcass somewhere in the Pacific."

Thor, who until now had been silent, rumbled, "ON ASGARD, WHEN A WARRIOR REBELS AGAINST HIS COMRADES, WE MAKE AN EXAMPLE OF HIM."

Steve seemed hesitant to shrug. "Can't you just tranquilize him or something?"

"Sure, I can do that!" Natasha said, seeming entirely too eager. A small dart flew from one of her bracelets (no one commented on how she apparently wore them to bed) and into the depths of the pillow fort. There was a long pause, then a thud.

"Your turn, Hawkeye."

"Net arrow?" he asked hopefully.

"Net arrow."

Hawkeye looked like a kid on Christmas. The arrow, too, disappeared with a dull _thwap_ noise.

Steve looked confused. "What purpose does tying him up serve if he's unconscious?"

"It's for when he wakes up," the two assassins said in unison.

Natasha whispered directions in Thor's ear while Clint dashed off to retrieve Tony's supply of spray paint. Steve was feeling rather helpless to prevent whatever horrible thing they had planned, and after debating for a moment, decided to just go back to bed. Tony had it coming, pissing them off.

And that is how the next morning (or later that morning), a very confused New York woke up to see that billionaire Tony Stark, AKA Iron Man, was trapped in a net on top of his own tower, with some very confusing graffiti spray-painted beneath him:

 ** _All hail the blanket king!_**

 **okay, that was the first little drabble. I know it probably wasn't good but as I said this is mostly so I can practice improving my writing. As I said before, reviews are awesome, requests/suggestions are extra awesome because they give me stuff to work with. :)**

 **-Holly**


	2. The Water War

**This came from Myversionofevents (who is awesome for being my first reviewer). :)**

 **Prompt: Nat and Clint start a water fight.**

 **This chapter has some swearing. Just so you know.**

Natasha did not particularly like water. In fact, she despised it.

Not that she wanted her teammates to know this.

So, at the moment, she was crouching in the ceiling, waiting for THAT DAMN SNITCH- or, rather, Barton. She was armed with a bandolier of water balloons and a supersoaker.

It started two days ago. They had just beaten back Electro for the tenth time and were celebrating the traditional Tony Stark way: alcohol. Lots of alcohol. Some of them weren't inebriated: Cap didn't get drunk because he couldn't, Bruce decided it wasn't wise, and Thor needed much stronger alcohol (he had seemed disappointed by 'Midgardian ale').

The rest of them, however, had gotten drunk. So drunk. Especially, but not exclusively, Clint Barton, who seemed to have a very low alcohol tolerance (idiot couldn't even hold a shot of vodka) who then STUPIDLY decided to squeal.

"Y'know, Natasha can't swim."

The table had gone deadly silent. All of the other Avengers seemed very aware of their own mortality all of a sudden. Natasha had frozen in the act of cleaning one of the many small weapons on her person. She glared daggers at Barton.

"She hates water. Like a cat. I dunno why."

"Barton," Rogers had said (always the voice of reason), "this might be a great time for you to get a head start."

"Why?"

"Because Widow is going to slaughter you," Tony said helpfully.

"What- why- oh, fuuuuuuck."

"Better start running, dude."

"This will be most amusing!" Thor predicted. "On Asgard, slights done to warrior women do not go unanswered."

"Yeah, it's that way here too, buddy," Bruce said as Clint ran away from the table like there was demons after him.

"Shall we prepare the pop of corn?"

"Popcorn, Thor. Popcorn."

-HI I AM A LINE BREAK-

The next morning, Clint Barton woke up with a throbbing headache and the feeling that he had done something very, very stupid.

He was also soaked from head to toe.

"What the hell?"

There was a note stickied to his door.

 _You promised never to tell._

 _-Black Widow_

Clint shuddered. She never used her code name with him unless she was SERIOUSLY pissed off.

He pried the door open and was immediately doused with another gallon of icy water.

"Well, today is awesome so far."

-I AM A LINE BREAK-

At Tony's request (read: nagging) the massive TV in the main meeting room had been hooked up so that whenever Widow pulled a prank (or Barton did, if he had an extra-strong death wish) the spectators would be able to see it happen.

They were rewatching Natasha's most recent prank when Barton came into the room, soaking wet. The immediate reaction of most of his teammates was 'are you crazy you'll kill yourself standing out in the open?'

"What the HELL happened last night?" Clint demanded, dropping to a less visible position on the floor.

"You angered Friend Romanov. We have used Midgardian money to predict how long you shall last," Thor said, sounding surprisingly upbeat.

"You're betting on- wait, of course you are. Doesn't matter. But what did I do to piss her off?"

The Avengers shared uneasy glances before Tony said, "You said Red couldn't swim and- HEY!" A water balloon, seemingly out of nowhere, had exploded against his chest.

There was a pause, then a spray of water hit Clint full in the face. He didn't even try to dodge, too busy standing in shock.

"I'm sorry?" he called weakly.

"That's not gonna cut it," Bruce said immediately. "She's not going to let off until she's gotten revenge. You should know that better than anyone."

"Ohhhh, I am so FUCKED!"

Another water balloon hit him in the chest. "Language!" Natasha sang from an indeterminate location.

"Not necessarily," Stark said softly so Natasha wouldn't hear. "She dragged me into this- I can help you out."

-LINE BREAK-

God bless Tony Stark. The man had only needed two hours to make water arrows, and damn did they work. Hawkeye's bow was slung across his shoulders as he wormed his way through an air duct. He had a good vantage point of the rafters from here.

There was a long pause before he saw a flash of red hair. He immediately loosed an arrow and was rewarded with a very gratifying and un-Black Widow-like shriek. Damn, she really didn't like water.

She was moving. The shadow flashed between the rafters. He shot a few more arrows. At least one, he was certain, hit its mark.

The Avengers on the floor below were not sure whether what they were witnessing was extraordinarily brave or extraordinarily stupid.

"Ten to one this just keeps escalating," Tony estimated.

"I don't like when you bet. It always ends badly."

"I wasn't betting, Capsicle. Just placing odds in case anyone feels like betting."

-LINE BREAK-

God damn Tony Stark. The man had a death wish even larger than his ego. She would deal with him later. The primary issue at the moment was that Barton was fighting back. And doing a pretty good job, surprisingly. This was becoming a very interesting game.

Barton was still going to die, of course. But until then, she could enjoy the fight. It was almost fun.

She glimpsed him in a doorway. _Sloppy, Barton._ A water balloon took him in the back.

He immediately whipped around and gauged where it had come from. _Oh, damn it._

He had _tricked_ her. That bastard. Oh, this was fun.

One of his water arrows took her into the thigh and she was almost immediately soaked. _Stark, you are so DEAD._

Another narrowly missed her head and she took that as her cue to disappear.

-LINE BREAK-

Fury looked over the Avengers.

Stark: Still an ass.

Rogers: Good.

Banner: Good.

Thor: Good.

Romanov: Soaked.

Barton: Soaked.

Fury had to do a double take.

"Romanov. Barton."

"Yes, sir," the two responded in unison.

"Any particular reason you are making extra work for our janitors?"

There was a long pause while the two assassins seemed to consider the question.

"Not really, sir."

"I believe not, sir."

"Then why do you look like you just took an ill-advised shower?"

Both shrugged as innocently as assassins can. Steve then made the awful decision to try and explain everything.

"It's not a big deal, Fury. Natasha and Clint were just having a water fight. It's lasted about a week so far."

Both of the agents in question immediately glared at him. Steve swallowed hard.

"It started when Clint said-"

He was unexpectedly cut off by two water balloons directly to the face.

 **I like this one a lot, actually. PLEASE REVIEW- IF YOU REVIEW I LOVE YOU!**


	3. For the Night is Dark and Full of Terror

**This one is less funny and more angsty fluff but I hope you still enjoy.**

 **MarvelLuver, thanks for reviewing and I'm super happy you liked it! You rock :)**

Tony was laying on the couch, watching the clock tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. He idly wondered why he hadn't replaced it with a digital one before remembering that Pepper had insisted on its continued existence as a comfort to the recently-defrosted Captain America.

Normally he would be in his lab at this hour, working himself to sleep. Or drinking. Or both.

He had a horrible headache and could feel how badly he wanted to sleep. But he couldn't just sleep. If he did, he'd remember.

 _water everywhere_

 _pressure_

 _dirty hands_

 _can't breathe_

 _lungs hurt_

 _burn..._

Tony jerked awake and glanced owlishly up through the darkness to see who had awoken him. It was Romanov.

"You alright, Stark?"

"H-hey, pretty lady. What're you doing in a dump like this?" he asked, trying hard to sound unaffected by the nightmare. It was obvious she wasn't fooled.

"Seeing what you were doing here. I was walking around because I couldn't sleep and found you shaking. I thought you might be having a seizure or something."

"No. Nightmare," he admitted, dropping the act.

"Want to talk about it?"

"Not really."

The Black Widow was oddly talkative tonight. Usually she wasn't very conversational. Especially with him.

"Do you get them too?" Tony asked suddenly before cursing himself. Rule one: don't ask questions even vaguely related to Romanov's past.

"Yeah," she said softly. "The Red Room. I can't forget."

 _perfect lines_

 _girls_ _dead_

 _red and dead_

 _blood everywhere_

 _ballet..._

"Me neither."

They sat there in silence for a while, eyes half closed, staring at the blank television screen. Rogers was next.

Awkward break before Romanov asked softly, "Trouble sleeping?"

Tony reflected that, had the question come from him, Rogers would not have answered.

"Um. It's... it's just..."

 _ice_

 _rain check_

 _cold_ _so cold_

 _can't move_

 _i'm sorry_

 _peggy..._

He didn't finish. He didn't need to. Romanov moved to make room for him and he sat, hard, weighed down by a hundred guilty memories.

When Banner came, not a word was exchanged. He simply dropped his pillow to the floor and lay down. His eyes stayed open. He couldn't.

 _green everywhere_

 _in me, it is me_

 _hunted scared run_

 _monster_

 _monster..._

A comforting hand fell on his shoulder and he relaxed, coming back to the present day.

Tony twitched an eyebrow at Barton. "Nightmares?"

The archer simply nodded and sat down beside Banner, leaning against the sofa. "Memories."

 _blue eyes_

 _circus animal_

 _perfect shot_

 _jump through hoops_

 _strings_

 _puppet..._

Everyone seemed mildly surprised when Thor joined them, but no one questioned it. Even gods had demons.

 _falling falling falling_

 _come home_

 _never be king_

 _unworthy_

 _father_

 _brother..._

The Maximoff twins slipped silently in last.

 _darkness fear war_

 _the bomb_

 _under the bed_

 _run, run, run_

 _mom and dad_

 _alone..._

Pepper woke up the next morning and went downstairs to prepare breakfast. Tony wasn't in their bed. That was unsurprising.

What was surprising was the tangled mess of limbs and love sprawled on and around the sofa. All of the Avengers were cuddled together, sleeping soundly. Pepper smiled. She didn't know what had happened, but she wasn't about to ruin it, either.

"Sweet dreams."


	4. Age of Ultron

**Sorry this took a** **while** , **I was working on another story for a different fandom. It'll be up soon if you guys want to check it out. Anyways, here's the drabble. A plot bunny attacked me. Her name was Jeff.**

 **Also, I don't own the Avengers. If I did, I wouldn't be here. I'd be making out with Captain America.**

"A movie about how we beat Ultron?" Steve repeated, disbelief leaking into his words. "Why?"

Tony smirked. "It'll make money, that's why. Clearly you haven't been paying attention to the screaming mob of fangirls outside lately, but we have fans."

Steve glanced out to window at the aforementioned screaming mob. "Oh, right. You kinda get used to them."

"So, anyways, the other Avengers are on their way here to read this letter. It has the script for the movie, projected castings, and our first royalty check."

"Don't they need permission to do stuff like that? Make a movie about someone?" Steve asked as the rest of the team trickled in.

"Of course. I gave it from me and forged the rest of your signatures."

"Stark, if this is the emergency you called us down here for, you have five minutes before I toss you into the crazed mosh pit out there," Romanov said, her voice completely flat. Tony swallowed hard.

"Look, I just wanted to get you guys down here fast."

Vision did a complete three-sixty sweep of the room as he entered. "Mr. Buchanan is not present," the android commented matter-of-factly.

"Who?"

"Bucky," Steve supplied.

"Oh, right. He told me last time if I gave him another false alarm, he'd castrate me. So he's not coming."

The rest of the Avengers were caught between laughter and winces at the collective mental image.

"Can we get this over with, Stark?" Barton prompted, bringing them all back to reality.

"Right! So, there's this movie in the works about us beating Ultron. We were just sent information about it and I thought it would be fun for us to go over it together. Also, you don't get to leave until we're done."

The superheroes groaned and slumped onto the coach, predicting that this would take quite a long time.

"Kay, here's the casting choices," Tony began as a collection of miniaturized pictures filled the screen behind him. "Here's me!"

"Not bad. His goatee is actually better than yours."

"I resent that."

"Next is Cap..."

Murmurs of surprise filled the room.

"He's good. If I didn't know Cap personally, I could probably get them confused."

"Here's Nat."

Romanov was the only one who commented. "The hair's okay. She's wearing too much makeup. Also, call me Nat again and you die tonight."

"Katniss."

"His face is too wide."

"Brucey."

"Wow, that's actually pretty good. He looks like the quiet scientist type."

"Point Break."

"HIS PHYSIQUE IS IMPRESSIVE, BUT CANNOT RIVAL THAT OF A TRUE ODINSON," Thor rumbled.

"And Speedy and Witchy."

"They got my hair all wrong," Quicksilver complained. "It looks like I dyed it badly or something."

"At least I look okay," Wanda said before adding, "We look really young."

"Yeah, it's weird."

* * *

"Changes made from real life? Why would they want to make any changes? Isn't superheroes fighting a deranged artificial intelligence good enough?"

"Guess not. Hey, they want Nat and Brucey to have a thing."

Bruce raised an eyebrow. "Um, what kind of thing are we talking about?"

"A romantic thing. You know, boyfriend/girlfriend."

"Well, that's random."

"Let's see, what else... Merida has a family."

Clint blinked. "What?"

"Yeah, you have a pregnant wife and two other kids."

"When the hell would I have the time to do that?"

"Dunno. Oh! This might be the last one. Speedy dies at the end of this version."

Pietro gaped for a second. "Excuse me, they kill me off? In a movie based on real life in which I am very obviously not dead?"

"Looks like it."

"Dammit! I'm going to go run this off."

Before anyone else could say anything, he had disappeared. Wanda just shrugged. "He's probably only going to California and back."

 **Eh... I think this one might have been funnier in my head... oh well.**

 **Thanks to autumnsfire1 for reviewing! U R AMAZING.**

 **Please review and remember that suggestions/prompts are awesome, as always.**

 **-Holly**


	5. Recipe for Disaster

**Hai. Drabble delivery for... um... fans. This label says to let you know I don't own the Avengers, so there is no reason to envy-kill me.**

Pepper flipped open her cookbook and a slip of paper fell out. It looked like it had been written out by multiple people, but mostly Tony. She started to read it.

Recipe for Disaster:

Start with the following ingredients:

x1 Crazy Billionaire Inventor

x1 Radioactive Monster Genius

x2 Deadly Assassins (for maximum effect, brainwash one)

x1 Thunder Demigod Prince

x1 Ancient Super Soldier

Mix it all together and add the following:

x1 Stark Industries CEO/Awesome Girlfriend ;)

x1 Brainwashed Astrophysicist

x1 God with an Inferiority Complex

x1 Absolutely Not Intimidating Eyepatch

x40 Government Goons

x1 Touching Sacrifice

x1 Guy Playing Galaga

x37384 Alien Soldiers

Apply the results to Downtown New York. Let sit in

x1 Avengers Tower

for about a year. Then add:

x1 Violently Pacifist AI

x300 Clones of Said AI

x1 Pregnant Wife, belonging to Katniss

x2 Children, also belonging to Katniss

x1 Actual Pacifist Android

x1 Awkward Bruce/Tasha Relationship

x2 Unstable Super Twins

x1 Cyborg Assassin

Ta-daaa! You have created a ticking time bomb of a team!

Pepper slid the list back into the cookbook and decided to just google recipes.

 **idk, my plot bunny has been vicious lately...**


	6. KITTENS!

***ducks under rotten tomatoes* Oh my God, it's been a long time... Um, please don't kill me. I started high school and that has taken priority, but I hope to be posting again regularly.**

 **Oh, right. *unfurls scroll and clears throat* I, Origamidragons, sadly am not the owner or creator of the Avengers. That honor belongs to Stan Lee and Marvel.**

 **On with the show!**

It started when Steve brought home some kittens. A two of them, scraggly and wet, huddled together out in the rain, hidden in the darkness of an alley. He had come in the door, soaking wet, holding a box of two baby cats and glaring at anyone suggesting that they couldn't stay.

Naturally, Tony threw a fit. "Kittens. Are you kidding, Steve? Tell me you're kidding. Do you know what cat hair does? It gets into _everything._ Cat hair can mess up all manner of machinery, and this is my building where I build machinery! They are NOT staying."

Steve held the box protectively in one arm and casually picked up his shield with the other, making a big show of examining the edges and checking they were sharp. Tony backed up a few steps, then a few more, then he tripped backwards over a low coffee table.

Steve walked past him and took the sodden box down to the sick bay.

"They look... mostly okay. Very mild hypothermia, probably from being out in the rain for so long, but no frostbite, which is good." He picked up one kitten, with bright green eyes and pure black fur, and scowled at it. It squirmed uncomfortably in midair.

Banner turned to Steve, holding the black cat a safe distance away from his body. "This one doesn't like me very much."

As if to prove the scientist's point, it lashed out and scratched his hand, almost making him drop it.

"Well, is the other one nice, at least?" Steve asked, peeking at the remaining kitten who was in a frizzed-out, fluffy, sun-colored bundle in a spacious plastic kennel. A soaked cardboard box was not the best place to be keeping kittens.

"Yes, for the most part. This orange one is very friendly, but this other one isn't nearly as nice. I think it might be just shy."

"Huh," Steve said, before moving on to more important things. "Hey, have you seen Thor today?"

"Nope. Last I saw him, he was heading to Asgard because his dad needed his help or something. Why, you haven't heard from him?"

Steve shook his head and was about to saw something else, but then the orange kitten pawed at his leg to get his attention and won it immediately. "Hi, buddy! Are you hungry? I bet you're hungry," he said as he worked his way out of the ridiculously cluttered and messy lab. Behind him, Bruce shrugged and went back to playing with nanobots.

Soon enough, all the Avengers had fallen head-over-heels in love with the pair of kittens. The black furred and green eyed one wasn't really outwardly hostile (much) so much as it seemed to get easily annoyed with just about everything his joint owners and fellow kitten did.

Steve loved the adorable fluff balls the most, unsurprisingly, but his teammates adores them as well. They were even starting to grow on Tony, even though the billionaire genius would never, ever admit it, despite the fact that all of the other Avengers were fully aware of it.

Thor was still missing, but the Avengers didn't think much of it, figuring he had probably completed the task his father had assigned him and then decided to spend time with Jane out in New Mexico before returning home. It was a very common occurrence, so much so that the idea of Jane just moving in to Avengers Tower was pushed more than once to avoid the hassle. Usually by Tony. The astrophysicist had always politely (and probably wisely) declined the offer.

So his teammates didn't really worry that anything might be wrong until the bifrost bridge opened on their roof, burning an intricate and knot-like Nordic symbol directly onto the helipad, which did not go over well with its owner. Sif and the Warriors Three stepped out of the galactic rainbow and demanded to know where Thor was.

They were probably disappointed when their inquiry was met by Earth's Mightiest Heroes shrugging and shaking their heads.

Then the four Asgardian warriors were promptly ambushed by an excitable flying cat. Well, the bright orangish-yellow kitten wasn't really flying. It had just jumped. Sif caught it in midair and held it up for close scrutiny. The black cat had taken shelter behind Steve's legs, but inched out of its hiding place when Sif glared at it.

"Loki," she snapped, eliciting strange looks from the puzzled Avengers, "what did you do?"

The cat gave her a _seriously?_ look. One that seemed to say, 'I'd tell you, but in case you haven't noticed, _I'm a cat.'_

Steve raised his hand like he was in school. "Where's Loki?"

Sif sighed and pointed at the black cat.

Steve blinked. Stared at the cat for a moment. Bruce muttered something behind him that sounded like, 'so _that's_ why it didn't like me.'

"Can you ask him where Thor is?"

Sif directed their attention to the frizzy orange cat still held somewhat uncomfortably in her armored arms. "This is Thor. I assume that he was the intended target of Loki's spell, and it backfired."

Loki-cat did an excellent job of looking innocent.

"I will return them to Asgard and the All-Father can restore them to their original forms. Thor will be returned to you shortly."

Before Steve could protest at Sif's theft of his beloved kittens, the bifrost flared up again the the four Asgardians were gone. He was distraught for a week, even after Thor reappeared. A week was also time it took to break the habit of eating raw fish that the thunder god had developed.

 **Kittens! Cuteness! Review and Steve gets a new kitten! Yay!**


End file.
